I’d like to have some time before confronting the Steel Astronaut.I just finished playing it and I can say a few things. While a waitress at a casual diner (I live in Pittsburgh) would almost definitely greet you with: When I ask people “How was your day?” It comes out something like Usually, a higher concentration of contractions and sentence fragments (unless the character is expressly trying to impress somebody/is still getting comfortable with the language), some occasional dialect shifts (Don’t overdo it, because it gets grating or confusing, but there are a few slang terms people will throw around in casual conversation)įor instance, I speak like a hick unless I’m trying to impress somebody (I tend to use “gotta” when I’m posting on here, which reflects that). Everyone talks in different ways, and while you clean up a lot of it when you write (People say “Umm” and “ahh” and flub grammar way more often in real life), you still need to present that in your story somehow. Frank and Carol seemed like they were reading off a script. Your conversations with people also feel a little stilted. (Or, to make things more personal, “You felt your body burning”). If you wanted to go a step back further (Say, you’d been walking on the river and started pondering your work), you would bring had into the mix. In the flashback scene, then, you want past tense. The game is in present tense, so your character is doing. Ramble about the differences between "had been" and "was" It’s taking the past tense a second step back if that makes sense. We notice it with the first sentence, and find out what’s fascinating in the second without repeat.Īs you touched the stone you felt as if your entire body had gone on fire, as energy raced from the stone into you. You could probably change the second sentence to: “It was mesmerizing, pulsing with life.” (or however you choose to word it). This is redundant here, for instance (You’re attracted to it twice). It was mesmerising, with its pulsating life immediately attracting you towards it. You had a great time, and were about to return home when a glowing bluish stone attracted your attention. This isn’t a problem now (You’re still in your first draft), but it’s good to be aware of it, and try to correct the habits: It’s structurally sound, and cleanly formatted (so miles above a lot of works), but there’s no flavor to the voice, you’ve got a lot of places where things are too wordy, and some places of redundancy. My first impression is that the writing is a little stilted. Hopefully, I can continue to update and upgrade the game in the future! Colleagues at work should react to you slightly more realistically now (for the case when you have a low relationship with them) Added extra options in places for those with high agility. Added extra options regarding what to eat in Mongolia. Numerous bugfixes throughout (thanks to all those who reported them!) Hopefully I can continue to update and upgrade the game in the future! Possibility of second “date” with Lyron and Emily. Expanded RO sequences for several characters. Extra dialogue options with Steel Aeronaut. Three new options of things to do in the evening to increase your psyche (meditate, go and pray, and attend a yoga lesson). Two minor new evening options on the evil path. Added new side mission to infiltrate EHGI. Added teleportation fight options to many fights Added side mission on villain path, allowing to attack a police station. Added option to be able to train superhuman strength by lifting train carriages (only available once). The first update to the game was submitted on the 17th of October. The game was released on the 19th of September 2019. This is the former WIP thread for Hero or Villain: Genesis, which now serves as the discussion thread for the game.
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